i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
