I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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