Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
