for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
