Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
