I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
