i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
