Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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