So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
