Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
