I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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