i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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