ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
two words...techno handjob
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
