I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
