ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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