he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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