this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
