Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
