I need to stop coming to work sober
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
even my farts smell like vagina
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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