just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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