well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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