How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I need water and some morals
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
