so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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