I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
