did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
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