i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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