I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
