I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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