we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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