Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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