I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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