My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
