I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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