Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
