He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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