FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
