i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
