went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
