Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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