I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
time to smoke my breakfast
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
