Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
