is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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