it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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