Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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