Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize