The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
