Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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