The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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