I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
