Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
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Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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