It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
