I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
