Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
