laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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