Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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