this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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