I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.