Need sex. Gaining weight.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.