yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext