I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???