I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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