i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
