you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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