Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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