Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
