12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
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