I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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