Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
