I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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