Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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