I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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