is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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