yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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