Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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